Thursday Thoughts - A Military Wife's Story

If someone had told me a year ago what the next year of my life would be like, I probably would have decked the guy, then ran. To give you the short version, here are some of the top events that have happened. In the past year I suffered a miscarriage while my husband was at JRTC, met 12 amazing women who I know will be life long friends, helped start a ministry, had my husband deploy, found out I was pregnant 5 days after he deployed and most recently had my husband tell me he doesn’t love me and wants a divorce.


To say that my world has been rocked would be the understatement of the year. I have probably cried more tears then I have laughed. Felt more broken, weak and hurt then I have my entire life. It says in Zechariah 13:9 “ I will bring (them) into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them.” Believers are refined by fire through difficult circumstances so that we can become more like Christ. It would have been easy to question “why” in the midst of my difficult circumstances, but I’ve chosen to focus my attention on God and not on my pain. I’ve realized that since I’ve focused my attention on God that He isn’t refining me to cause me pain, but has allowed these circumstances to happen so that I can become the woman He has called me to be and also so that He can intimately show me who He is.


There are several truths that I have learned over the past year. First, God knows everything about me. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” Jer 1:5. God thought about me, planned me and has a purpose for me. He knows every detail about my personality, what I love, what annoys me- everything about me- which includes my family. The family I already have and know and the family I have yet to have and know.


Second, God makes me strong when I am at my weakest. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” 2 Cor 12:9. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve cried out to God telling Him that I just can’t do this anymore; that I didn’t have the strength to endure another day of the pain. Yet here I am, surviving, living, dealing with my reality, hopeful for my future. His grace is sufficient and He makes me strong when I am weak. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” Ps 46:1.


Another thing I know to be true is that God works all things for my good. Romans 8:28 says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Notice I didn’t say, works all things out the way I want them to be, but that God works in all things for our good. This doesn’t mean that everything that happens to us is good, hence the very popular question of “why do bad things happen to good people.” “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord” Isa 55:8. God’s wisdom and knowledge surpasses all others. I would be crazy to think I can fit God into a mold- to make His plans and purposes conform to my own, when my tiny little mind cannot begin to comprehend a portion of the things God knows.


One truth I have to continuously remind myself of - God’s timing is perfect. Psalm 76:2 states: “…I choose the appointed time; it is I who judge uprightly.” I am an impatient person by nature and want things done yesterday. So I know that I will never be able to comprehend the reason behind God’s timing other then knowing that it’s for my good and that He is preparing the way. “Not one of all the Lord’s good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled “ Jos 21:45. God’s promises will be fulfilled according to His timetable, not mine, but I know that His word is sure. Sometimes I become impatient, wanting God to act in a certain way, now. Instead, I should faithfully do what I know He wants me to do and trust Him for the future.


My final truth is that I can trust God and give Him the control. “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Ex: 14:14. Trusting God when nothing seems to be happening can be excruciatingly difficult! One way I relinquish the control and trust God is by focusing on His faithfulness in my past. When I look back at some of my darkest days I can recognize that God was right there with me, enabling me to overcome those obstacles. I know it sounds crazy but I have found immeasurable peace by giving God the reigns and trusting Him!



This brings me to present day. I’m eight months pregnant, expecting a beautiful baby girl, overjoyed with the reality of becoming a mother. There is very little that I know for sure about my future; how it will look, if my marriage will be reconciled and restored, where I’ll live, if I’ll work, etc. The things I stand on are knowing that God is with me, will love me more then anyone will ever be able to love me, is my sole provider, and that He knows what my future looks like already. I choose not to worry. I choose to have faith. I choose to trust. Looking back over this past year makes me thankful. Thankful to know that I serve a God who loves me so much that He is willing to rock my world so that I can become the woman He has called me to be. Thankful for having the opportunity to get to know God more intimately, delving in His Word, learning His promises, and standing on His truth. Although I may not have a clue what this next year may hold, I can only hope that I am a slight shade closer in the refinement process.